The 48 Laws of Power

by Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Law 1

Never Outshine the Master

Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite – inspire fear and insecurity. Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.

Law 2

Never put too Much Trust in Friends, Learn how to use Enemies

Be wary of friends-they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them.

Law 3

Conceal your Intentions

Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. If they have no clue what you are up to, they cannot prepare a defense. Guide them far enough down the wrong path, envelope them in enough smoke, and by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late.

Law 4

Always Say Less than Necessary

When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.

Law 5

So Much Depends on Reputation – Guard it with your Life

Reputation is the cornerstone of power. Through reputation alone you can intimidate and win; once you slip, however, you are vulnerable, and will be attacked on all sides. Make your reputation unassailable. Always be alert to potential attacks and thwart them before they happen. Meanwhile, learn to destroy your enemies by opening holes in their own reputations. Then stand aside and let public opinion hang them.

Law 6

Court Attention at all Cost

Everything is judged by its appearance; what is unseen counts for nothing. Never let yourself get lost in the crowd, then, or buried in oblivion. Stand out. Be conspicuous, at all cost. Make yourself a magnet of attention by appearing larger, more colorful, more mysterious, than the bland and timid masses.

Law 7

Get others to do the Work for you, but Always Take the Credit

Use the wisdom, knowledge, and legwork of other people to further your own cause. Not only will such assistance save you valuable time and energy, it will give you a godlike aura of efficiency and speed. In the end your helpers will be forgotten and you will be remembered. Never do yourself what others can do for you.

Law 8

Make other People come to you – use Bait if Necessary

When you force the other person to act, you are the one in control. It is always better to make your opponent come to you, abandoning his own plans in the process. Lure him with fabulous gains – then attack. You hold the cards.

Law 9

Win through your Actions, Never through Argument

Any momentary triumph you think gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.

Law 10

Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky

You can die from someone else’s misery – emotional states are as infectious as disease. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.

Law 11

Learn to Keep People Dependent on You

To maintain your independence you must always be needed and wanted. The more you are relied on, the more freedom you have. Make people depend on you for their happiness and prosperity and you have nothing to fear. Never teach them enough so that they can do without you.

Law 12

Use Selective Honesty and Generosity to Disarm your Victim

One sincere and honest move will cover over dozens of dishonest ones. Open-hearted gestures of honesty and generosity bring down the guard of even the most suspicious people. Once your selective honesty opens a hole in their armor, you can deceive and manipulate them at will. A timely gift – a Trojan horse – will serve the same purpose.

Law 13

When Asking for Help, Appeal to People’s Self-Interest,

Never to their Mercy or Gratitude

If you need to turn to an ally for help, do not bother to remind him of your past assistance and good deeds. He will find a way to ignore you. Instead, uncover something in your request, or in your alliance with him, that will benefit him, and emphasize it out of all proportion. He will respond enthusiastically when he sees something to be gained for himself.

Law 14

Pose as a Friend, Work as a Spy

Knowing about your rival is critical. Use spies to gather valuable information that will keep you a step ahead. Better still: Play the spy yourself. In polite social encounters, learn to probe. Ask indirect questions to get people to reveal their weaknesses and intentions. There is no occasion that is not an opportunity for artful spying.

Law 15

Crush your Enemy Totally

All great leaders since Moses have known that a feared enemy must be crushed completely. (Sometimes they have learned this the hard way.) If one ember is left alight, no matter how dimly it smolders, a fire will eventually break out. More is lost through stopping halfway than through total annihilation: The enemy will recover, and will seek revenge. Crush him, not only in body but in spirit.

Law 16

Use Absence to Increase Respect and Honor

Too much circulation makes the price go down: The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired. You must learn when to leave. Create value through scarcity.

Law 17

Keep Others in Suspended Terror: Cultivate an Air of Unpredictability

Humans are creatures of habit with an insatiable need to see familiarity in other people’s actions. Your predictability gives them a sense of control. Turn the tables: Be deliberately unpredictable. Behavior that seems to have no consistency or purpose will keep them off-balance, and they will wear themselves out trying to explain your moves. Taken to an extreme, this strategy can intimidate and terrorize.

Law 18

Do Not Build Fortresses to Protect Yourself – Isolation is Dangerous

The world is dangerous and enemies are everywhere – everyone has to protect themselves. A fortress seems the safest. But isolation exposes you to more dangers than it protects you from – it cuts you off from valuable information, it makes you conspicuous and an easy target. Better to circulate among people find allies, mingle. You are shielded from your enemies by the crowd.

Law 19

Know Who You’re Dealing with – Do Not Offend the Wrong Person

There are many different kinds of people in the world, and you can never assume that everyone will react to your strategies in the same way. Deceive or outmaneuver some people and they will spend the rest of their lives seeking revenge. They are wolves in lambs’ clothing. Choose your victims and opponents carefully, then – never offend or deceive the wrong person.

Law 20

Do Not Commit to Anyone

It is the fool who always rushes to take sides. Do not commit to any side or cause but yourself. By maintaining your independence, you become the master of others – playing people against one another, making them pursue you.

Law 21

Play a Sucker to Catch a Sucker – Seem Dumber than your Mark

No one likes feeling stupider than the next persons. The trick, is to make your victims feel smart – and not just smart, but smarter than you are. Once convinced of this, they will never suspect that you may have ulterior motives.

Law 22

Use the Surrender Tactic: Transform Weakness into Power

When you are weaker, never fight for honor’s sake; choose surrender instead. Surrender gives you time to recover, time to torment and irritate your conqueror, time to wait for his power to wane. Do not give him the satisfaction of fighting and defeating you – surrender first. By turning the other check you infuriate and unsettle him. Make surrender a tool of power.

Law 23

Concentrate Your Forces

Conserve your forces and energies by keeping them concentrated at their strongest point. You gain more by finding a rich mine and mining it deeper, than by flitting from one shallow mine to another – intensity defeats extensity every time. When looking for sources of power to elevate you, find the one key patron, the fat cow who will give you milk for a long time to come.

Law 24

Play the Perfect Courtier

The perfect courtier thrives in a world where everything revolves around power and political dexterity. He has mastered the art of indirection; he flatters, yields to superiors, and asserts power over others in the mot oblique and graceful manner. Learn and apply the laws of courtiership and there will be no limit to how far you can rise in the court.

Law 25

Re-Create Yourself

Do not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define if for you. Incorporate dramatic devices into your public gestures and actions – your power will be enhanced and your character will seem larger than life.

Law 26

Keep Your Hands Clean

You must seem a paragon of civility and efficiency: Your hands are never soiled by mistakes and nasty deeds. Maintain such a spotless appearance by using others as scapegoats and cat’s-paws to disguise your involvement.

Law 27

Play on People’s Need to Believe to Create a Cultlike Following

People have an overwhelming desire to believe in something. Become the focal point of such desire by offering them a cause, a new faith to follow. Keep your words vague but full of promise; emphasize enthusiasm over rationality and clear thinking. Give your new disciples rituals to perform, ask them to make sacrifices on your behalf. In the absence of organized religion and grand causes, your new belief system will bring you untold power.

Law 28

Enter Action with Boldness

If you are unsure of a course of action, do not attempt it. Your doubts and hesitations will infect your execution. Timidity is dangerous: Better to enter with boldness. Any mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold; no one honors the timid.

Law 29

Plan All the Way to the End

The ending is everything. Plan all the way to it, taking into account all the possible consequences, obstacles, and twists of fortune that might reverse your hard work and give the glory to others. By planning to the end you will not be overwhelmed by circumstances and you will know when to stop. Gently guide fortune and help determine the future by thinking far ahead.

Law 30

Make your Accomplishments Seem Effortless

Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease. All the toil and practice that go into them, and also all the clever tricks, must be concealed. When you act, act effortlessly, as if you could do much more. Avoid the temptation of revealing how hard you work – it only raises questions. Teach no one your tricks or they will be used against you.

Law 31

Control the Options: Get Others to Play with the Cards you Deal

The best deceptions are the ones that seem to give the other person a choice: Your victims feel they are in control, but are actually your puppets. Give people options that come out in your favor whichever one they choose. Force them to make choices between the lesser of two evils, both of which serve your purpose. Put them on the horns of a dilemma: They are gored wherever they turn.

Law 32

Play to People’s Fantasies

The truth is often avoided because it is ugly and unpleasant. Never appeal to truth and reality unless you are prepared for the anger that comes for disenchantment. Life is so harsh and distressing that people who can manufacture romance or conjure up fantasy are like oases in the desert: Everyone flocks to them. There is great power in tapping into the fantasies of the masses.

Law 33

Discover Each Man’s Thumbscrew

Everyone has a weakness, a gap in the castle wall. That weakness is usual y an insecurity, an uncontrollable emotion or need; it can also be a small secret pleasure. Either way, once found, it is a thumbscrew you can turn to your advantage.

Law 34

Be Royal in your Own Fashion: Act like a King to be treated like one

The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated; In the long run, appearing vulgar or common will make people disrespect you. For a king respects himself and inspires the same sentiment in others. By acting regally and confident of your powers, you make yourself seem destined to wear a crown.

Law 35

Master the Art of Timing

Never seem to be in a hurry – hurrying betrays a lack of control over yourself, and over time. Always seem patient, as if you know that everything will come to you eventually. Become a detective of the right moment; sniff out the spirit of the times, the trends that will carry you to power. Learn to stand back when the time is not yet ripe, and to strike fiercely when it has reached fruition.

Law 36

Disdain Things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best Revenge

By acknowledging a petty problem you give it existence and credibility. The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him; and a small mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.

Law 37

Create Compelling Spectacles

Striking imagery and grand symbolic gestures create the aura of power – everyone responds to them. Stage spectacles for those around you, then full of arresting visuals and radiant symbols that heighten your presence. Dazzled by appearances, no one will notice what you are really doing.

Law 38

Think as you like but Behave like others

If you make a show of going against the times, flaunting your unconventional ideas and unorthodox ways, people will think that you only want attention and that you look down upon them. They will find a way to punish you for making them feel inferior. It is far safer to blend in and nurture the common touch. Share your originality only with tolerant friends and those who are sure to appreciate your uniqueness.

Law 39

Stir up Waters to Catch Fish

Anger and emotion are strategically counterproductive. You must always stay calm and objective. But if you can make your enemies angry while staying calm yourself, you gain a decided advantage. Put your enemies off-balance: Find the chink in their vanity through which you can rattle them and you hold the strings.

Law 40

Despise the Free Lunch

What is offered for free is dangerous – it usually involves either a trick or a hidden obligation. What has worth is worth paying for. By paying your own way you stay clear of gratitude, guilt, and deceit. It is also often wise to pay the full price – there is no cutting corners with excellence. Be lavish with your money and keep it circulating, for generosity is a sign and a magnet for power.

Law 41

Avoid Stepping into a Great Man’s Shoes

What happens first always appears better and more original than what comes after. If you succeed a great man or have a famous parent, you will have to accomplish double their achievements to outshine them. Do not get lost in their shadow, or stuck in a past not of your own making: Establish your own name and identity by changing course. Slay the overbearing father, disparage his legacy, and gain power by shining in your own way.

Law 42

Strike the Shepherd and the Sheep will Scatter

Trouble can often be traced to a single strong individual – the stirrer, the arrogant underling, the poisoned of goodwill. If you allow such people room to operate, others will succumb to their influence. Do not wait for the troubles they cause to multiply, do not try to negotiate with them – they are irredeemable. Neutralize their influence by isolating or banishing them. Strike at the source of the trouble and the sheep will scatter.

Law 43

Work on the Hearts and Minds of Others

Coercion creates a reaction that will eventually work against you. You must seduce others into wanting to move in your direction. A person you have seduced becomes your loyal pawn. And the way to seduce others is to operate on their individual psychologies and weaknesses. Soften up the resistant by working on their emotions, playing on what they hold dear and what they fear. Ignore the hearts and minds of others and they will grow to hate you.

Law 44

Disarm and Infuriate with the Mirror Effect

The mirror reflects reality, but it is also the perfect tool for deception: When you mirror your enemies, doing exactly as they do, they cannot figure out your strategy. The Mirror Effect mocks and humiliates them, making them overreact. By holding up a mirror to their psyches, you seduce them with the illusion that you share their values; by holding up a mirror to their actions, you teach them a lesson. Few can resist the power of Mirror Effect.

Law 45

Preach the Need for Change, but Never Reform too much at Once

Everyone understands the need for change in the abstract, but on the day-to-day level people are creatures of habit. Too much innovation is traumatic, and will lead to revolt. If you are new to a position of power, or an outsider trying to build a power base, make a show of respecting the old way of doing things. If change is necessary, make it feel like a gentle improvement on the past.

Law 46

Never appear too Perfect

Appearing better than others is always dangerous, but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no faults or weaknesses. Envy creates silent enemies. It is smart to occasionally display defects, and admit to harmless vices, in order to deflect envy and appear more human and approachable. Only gods and the dead can seem perfect with impunity.

Law 47

Do not go Past the Mark you Aimed for; In Victory, Learn when to Stop

The moment of victory is often the moment of greatest peril. In the heat of victory, arrogance and overconfidence can push you past the goal you had aimed for, and by going too far, you make more enemies than you defeat. Do not allow success to go to your head. There is no substitute for strategy and careful planning. Set a goal, and when you reach it, stop.

Law 48

Assume Formlessness

By taking a shape, by having a visible plan, you open yourself to attack. Instead of taking a form for your enemy to grasp, keep yourself adaptable and on the move. Accept the fact that nothing is certain and no law is fixed. The best way to protect yourself is to be as fluid and formless as water; never bet on stability or lasting order. Everything changes.

Software Development Life Cycle

I got this from the net. Funny, but to think of it, this actually is what really is happening...

Nakakatamad!!!

Waah!!! Nakakatamad Sobra!!!!

Parang ayaw ko gumawa ng kahit ano... hindi ko kasi natatapos... napaka-unproductive ko!

Kanina ngang umaga, nakakita ako ng

The wonder of Life through Time (Scientific Approach)

For me, there are only two faces of time... the Future and the Past. Everything is either "going to happen" or "have already happened". There is no such thing as "Present". This is just a misconception by almost all people to describe the series of phenomenon when the future meets one's existence and instantly becomes the past.



In the image above, I am standing in a timeline. Everything at the right side is the future. It is going to happen. Even if it is 1/999999999999 of a second from now, it hasn't happened yet so it is still the future.

Everything at the left side is the past. It already happened. Even if it is 1/99999999999 second later, it already did happen so it is already the past.

My existence is just a point in the middle. Everything before me is the future and then as it passes through me, it instantly becomes the past.

Now, if I put my honey in the equation-



Initially we have two separate timelines, but as time goes on, our futures become one and our pasts merges into one experiences-



We still have one point of existence each. But the merging of our past and future creates a region that seems to exist outside the normal timeline. In this region, her immediate future is different with my immediate future and so is our immediate past. But although different, it stemmed from only one future and would end up into one and only one past. It seems that there is a force that pushes the timelines apart so that we won't experience exactly the same events in our lives. And this same force makes life more exciting. We do things together but we experience the details differently. And part of you feels so comfortable being aware of each other's experiences. And sharing these experiences to each other makes life more meaningful.

With the merging of our timelines, we create a region that is ours. Not mine. Not hers alone. Ours. Without her, the region won't exist. Without me, the region won't exist either. This is what I call the love region.

So we can safely say that love lies in our life's timeline. As long as you want to see the same future, experience it in a different way, then reminisce it with the same past, then you will stay in love. But once you got tired of it, if you don't want to exist in the region I described above, then you are not in love anymore.

Your existence becomes two separate points in time again.

All experiences seems to be so distant from one anoother. You see different future and you don't see each other in your past. And then you decide it won't simply work and you go your separate ways.


So your existence becomes a single point again in time. Every 1/99999999999 of a second from now is the future. Every 1/99999999999 of a second after is the past. And you try so hard to enjoy alone the series of instances when your future meets your existence and instantly becomes your past. Then you try to convince yourself that this is normal. You say- you are just trying to live in your present...

My Desk

I'm getting tired of work... well, who doesn't? Anyway, I decided to spare a few minutes and do something else. Unfortunately there's virtually nothing else to do so I just decided to write something here in my blog. So here it is:

My Desk.

I am now sitting at cube 6.04. This is not actually my space. I normally sit near the windows.

In front of me is my laptop. HP. Centrino Dual Core. High-End Specs. But basically useless except for surfing the net and writing my blog entries because of the client-mandated rule that we cannot install any software without their permission. And since the primary client network is still down, we cannot use the laptop for work.

Beside me is my Acenture desktop. DELL. Pentium 4. Good Specs. But not as good as my laptop's. My desktop shows the SE11 screen of SAP. I am transferring MFG006 from the Sandbox Environment to the DEV environment. Please don't ask what MFG006 is. I don't want to dig deeper into that.

At the top of my CPU is a miniature Kenworth Truck licensed by PACCAR, my previous project. Beside the truck is a picture of me and my honey in Sentosa, Singapore. Very nice to look at.

Ok, what else do I see?

Wallet. My very hungry wallet. I haven't fed it for a while if you know what I mean. ;)

Cellphone being charged.

Soccer Stress Ball sitting on a little glass of some sort. My honey gave me that Stress Ball.

Two capsules of Tuseran Forte. I am currently being hampered by Colds and Coughs. The capsules are my bestfriends right now.

My eyeglasses; which is solely for vanity, by the way.

My PNPA pouch bag.

A keychain-wrench-bottle-openner that Riza gave me before she left.

A song-book. Yes, a song book!

And a face towel. Woe to those who are brave enough to open this towel. I've been using that since this morning and I am sure it is now a haven for acute viral nasopharyngitis virus.

Okay, back to work...

Conversation with a Taxi Driver

I boarded the taxi. I was so tired and the driver looks innocent enough so I thought it would be a good idea to take a little nap on my way home...

But the taxi driver has other things on his mind:

Driver: Lagi ka ba umuuwi ng ganitong oras?

Me: Madalas ho, kailangan mag-overtime eh.

Driver: Mahirap din talaga kapag call-center noh?

Me: Oho... pero hindi ho ako call center...

Driver: Hehe... maloko ka ah, mali pala tanong ko... dapat pala, "Mahirap talaga kapag nagtatrabaho sa call center..."

Me: Hehehe, tama ho yung tanong n'yo, hindi ho kasi talaga ako nagtatrabaho sa call center. Sa consulting industry ho ako.

Driver: Ah ganun ba. Ano ba kumpanya mo?

Me: Accenture ho.

Driver: Di ba call center yun?

Me: Meron ho kami call-center, pero hindi ho ako dun.

Driver: Ahh ikaw yung nagmamanage ng mga call center...

Me: Hindi ho. Ibang linya ho ng business. Consulting.

Driver: Ano ba kaibahan nun?

Me: (Sus! kailangan ko pa ba iexplain!?) Sa Consulting ho... gumagawa ho kami ng mga solutions para ma-improve ang business processes ng mga companies.

Driver: Hehe, kahit ipaliwanag mo sa akin yan, hindi ko maiintindihan. (Sabay bukas ng pinto nya at dura sa kalsada)

Me: Hehe. (Medyo naiinis na natutuwa ako sa pag-uusap namin ni Manong)

Driver: Nakakapunta ka ba ng ibang bansa d'yan sa trabaho mo?

Me: Oho.

Driver: Saan ka huling nagpunta?

Me: Sa Switzerland ho.

Driver: Aba ayos pala noh. Saan ba yun sa US?

Me: Sa Europe ho.

Driver: Kasi yung anak ko, pinadala sa US. Pinag-training ng isang buwan. Call Center din yun.

Me: Ayos! Pero yung sakin ho, hindi ho training. Trabaho talaga.

Driver: Dyan pala sa mga call center na malalaki, talagang ipapadala ka sa ibang bansa. Magaling na nga mag-Ingles yung anak ko eh. Kailangan kasi sa call center na magaling ka mag-Ingles eh kasi daw puro amerikano kausap nila.

Me: Oho. Kailangan talaga.

Driver: Eh di magaling ka na ding mag-spokening dollar?

Me: Hehe, hindi ho masyado. Pero kailangan din kasi sa kliyente namin eh.

Driver: Oo, mga amerikano kausap mo eh.

Me: Europeans ho.

Driver: Saan ka nga ulit nagpunta?

Me: Sa Switzerland ho.

Driver: May mga call centers din ba dun?

Me: Wala ho. Karamihan ho ng call centers nasa Third World Countries kasi mura ang bayad sa tao.

Driver: Ah ganun ba, eh ano ginawa mo dun?

Me: Nagtrabaho ho.

Driver: Mahirap din ba trabaho sa call center?

Me: Siguro ho. Hindi ko ho masabi, kasi hindi ako call center eh.

Driver: Wala namang masama sa call center ah.

Me: Wala ho.

Driver: Marami kasing nahihiya na nasa call center sila.

Me: Marami ho ba?

Driver: Oo

(Mga limang minutong katahimikan...)

Driver: Hindi daw nagagamit ang pinag-aralan sa kolehiyo...

(Limang minuto ulit...)

Driver: Hello? How may I help you?... hehe... hehe...

Me: (Maiba lang ang usapan) May sukli ho kayo sa limang daan?

Driver: Ay meron na ata...

Me: Sige ho, express way na rin ho tayo para mabaryahan itong pera ko.

Driver: Bakit kaya biglang dumami ang call center dito sa Pinas?

Me: Kasi ho mura ang bayad sa tao.

Driver: Sa Europe ba may call center?

Me: (Hay naku!!! Kailan ba ako dadating sa bahay!?) Meron din ho siguro pero kokonti. Kasi mahal ang bayad sa tao dun. Karamihan ho nasa Pinas o kaya India.

Driver: Malaki din sahod sa call center eh noh?

Me: Malaki-laki din ho.

Driver: Kaya ako, kahit makatapos ako, magc-call center ako eh.

Me: Idlip muna ako manong... (Inihiga ko ng bahagya ang sandalan at nagkunyaring tulog para makaiwas sa call-center mania ni Manong)

Driver: Baka lumagpas tayo...

Me: Hindi ho, ako bahala...

Saturday

I'll definitely buy one

I am planning to get my own car... maybe by the end of this year...

Welcome to my... Whatever you wish to call it

This will be my official blog site.

Hmmm... what else...

Ahh... the blog entries already posted were originally posted in friendster. I deleted those entries there and placed them here...

Anyway, I can't promise that I will be as prolific as I wish to be, but what the heck, I'll just give it a try anyway...

That's all for now... Ciao!

My eternal rose

Posted in Friendster May 2007



After years of searching through Cupid's gardens, I finally met the flower whose fragrance and blossom will never fail to hypnotize my soul... I will keep this flower forever... nourish it so that it grows in love. And even if the years take its toll on her divine petals, even if the fragrance runs out... she will still be the most beautiful flower whose fragrance although lost to the world is kept in my soul forever.

Paradox

Posted in Friendster August 2006

A lot of people say good things about me... I thank them for that...
But behind the smiles... behind the achievements... behind the success... behind the joyful and funny me is a soul longing for something still unknown. Yes, I maybe lucky to be where I am right now, but I tell you... everything comes with a price, and most of the time, the toll is far greater than what I've expected.
I always felt good at reaching heights... actually, it is one of my personal goals... to conquer the stars... but the climb upward is very treacherous. Yes, I've reached many peaks but no one sees the bruises and cuts I got each time I go up... no one seemed to notice how much strength I needed to exert just to hang on... no one seemed to notice the freezing wind hammering me on every step... no one seemed to notice that I cried...
Yes, all these infernal hardships seem to vanish into thin air upon reaching the top... but at the end of the day... when I'm all alone again with only myself to talk to, the infernal marks reappear... crawling into every inch of my skin like a scorpion shooting its tail wherever it desires... and then an excruciating pain from within starts to warm up... eating the last remaining strength of my body... tearing my soul into pieces... i wanted to cry... but the suffering is too great, tears won't fall anymore...
I need help... but no one seems to notice...
I am that funny person with a pocket full of surprises and ideas which never fail to deliver smiles...
I am that virtuous man standing proud in front of everyone, touching hearts... teaching minds... reaching souls...
...but why can't I deliver my own smiles?
...why do I long for another hand to touch me, to teach me, to reach for me?
There's a hole deep inside me whose depth I still haven't measured... and right now, I don't know what to fill it with...
...or maybe I do, I just don't know where to get it
...or how to get it
And every passing time, that emptiness is getting bigger.
...I wanted to cry out loud
...I wanted to curse myself for being in this state in the first place...
...but tears won't fall
...words won't come out
...and no one sees
...and no one hears
...and time passes by
I will still continue to reach heights... I will still deliver smiles... I will still touch hearts, teach minds, and I will still reach out to millions of souls...
...I just hope that whatever it is that I need, I hope it comes fast
...because this darkness within me is consuming me slowly
...

On Adobo and Lovelife...

Posted in Friendster July 2006

I still remember my first cooking lesson with my mom... I was 12 then... we were cooking Adobo... mom is the best Adobo cook in the world... she was able to mix the old Tagalog-style Adobo known for its juiciness and delectability and the delicately dried but equally scrumptious Adobo of the Northern regions where my father hails and the end-product is simply irresistable.

First she told me the ingredients... nothing extraordinary, she said. Wherever you are, the ingredients are always the same: soy sauce, vinegar(well sometimes kalamansi will do), garlic, onion(optional), bay leaf, pepper, and a touch of magic added by the cook's hand while mixing everything in a pan.

The most crucial part is the actual cooking itself. This is what differentiates the Adobo of the Tagalogs from the Adobo of the Ilocanos and Bisayas. Some would mix up all the ingredients and let it simmer for a couple of minutes. Some would let it simmer a little longer to get a thicker sauce. My father would dry it up until all the liquids are absorbed by the meat then add a teasepoon of oil and stir-fry it a little. Everything sounds easy right? Wrong!

Lovelife is like cooking Adobo. Anywhere you go, the ingredients are the same... a mixture of sweetness, spices, and everything else you find in a normal boy-meets-girl-and-they-fell-in-love situation. The difference is how they cook the relationship. And believe me, finding the ingredients are easy... cooking takes time and blood...

1.) Mixing the ingredients

My mom asked me, you won't eat an Adobo that is too salty or too sour right? I said yes... Then she asked me, do you think three cloves of garlic would suffice for a 3 kilogram meat? I said no. She said yes you are right, so stop pouring the soy sauce and vinegar and start adding some garlic...

In lovelife, the ingredients are there but it is up to us to determine how much soy sauce, vinegar, garlic, etc. to use. It actually depends on our heart's desires. Sometimes, we don't know... so we need to try different mixtures and choose one that best fits our relationship paradigms. There are cases where relationships would just end up in the garbage bin because the couple could not find the proper mixture of their ingredients... "You are too sweet, you act like an idiot already!" Or "I need more excitement in my life, this relationship lacks spice!" or "Our relationship lacks color and flavor...(maybe there's no soy sauce! hahaha!). My point is, if your ingredients are wrong in the first place, don't expect to have a delicious relationship...

2.) Choose your cooking Style

I asked my mom why can't you just cook Adobo like Grandma would do? Cook it the Tagalog way... anyway, Papa won't mind because he does not have a choice... he's in Manila, so he'd better eat Manila food. My Mom said she can... but she won't. Why? Because although my father would eat anything laid out for him in the table (in fact, he has this freak motto he got from the military - everything that crawls is edible to eat), he will feel extra special if the dish he is eating appeals to his native taste buds.

Then why not just cook the Dry Northern Adobo then? She also wont. Because she still loves that tradiotional Adobo taste that her mommy(my grandma) used to make... and it is hard to change your preference after being used to that, living almost half of her life with my grandma and enjoying her dishes.

So, the best solution is to mix both worlds. Make something that appeals both to the Northern and the Central Luzon dwellers. Cook something that will make my father feel he is at home in the Cagayan Mountain regions yet tickle him with something different, something only the Central Luzon dwellers are well-versed of. It is called bennevolent assimilation... she is trying to introduce something different to my dad in the most subtle and delicious way possible. (Well ok, bennevolent assimilation is my term... I learned it in high school, but at least you get the idea).

Same with love-life. Do not bombard your loved one with facts about yourself that she or he must accept... remember that your significant other is raised on an entirely different environment and culture as yours, so do your research first, then act appropriately. sometimes a you-centered relationship would end up fine especially if he or she is very in love with you like a mad dog loves its tail. But most of the time, she or he will feel that knowing her is the least of your priorities. Do it in the most subtle and sweetest way possible. Do it in a way that you are introducing yourself to her while accepting her at the same time. Try to come up with things that both of you will appreciate... things that would make her feel comfortable with you even though you are trying to tell her the darkest secrets of your wretched life. It's not what you said or did, it's how you do it...

3.) Be Patient and let time do its work

I think the sauce is not scattered well enough... the meat at the bottom gets all of it while the meat at the top does not get anything at all... this was my first complain when the Adobo was placed into the fire. I want to stir it. I want to make everything even. Don't! My mom told me. If you stir it up too early, it won't taste good. It's what she calls "Mahihilaw ang Suka!". Cover the pan and let it simmer by itself for now... i'll tell you when to start stirring.

Some couples would rush everything as if the world's going to end tomorrow and they still have to buy diapers for a baby they still don't have. This would simply won't work. Time has its surprises, and believe me, when time works in your favor, you'll feel like you are on the top of the world. Be patient! That's something my mom never forget to tell me. Be patient on everything... including love life.

Everything takes time... and don't try to argue with time, you'll end up with a big L in your forehead.

4.) Control your Fire

This is how my first Adobo(without my mom's help) ended up... My brother was so hungry that his eyes lit up when he saw me serving the dish in the table. He started eating right away... and soon I saw tears in his eyes... I can't believe it! My brother is really crying because of my cooking? Are those tears of joy? Hell no! He is crying because he can't stand the taste but he is forcing himself to eat the wretched Adobo... I can see that every chunk of Adobo he swallows requires so much effort it looks like a scene in a Mexican Telenovela.

I did not control the fire well.

You can't cook without fire, but too much of it, you might as well eat charcoal.
We need heat in our love-life. We need to keep our relationships ablaze always. But the intensity of the fire should be considered well. Too much fire will burn everything we delicately prepared. Fire is a friend but do not play with it... or you'll end up with blisters all over your body.

5.) Smell then Solve

You will know how something will taste like by the smell of it. At first I didn't believe my mom. But after years of cooking Adobo myself, I realized she was right. You'll know if your Adobo lacks or has too much something by just smelling the smoke rising up from the pan. It takes time to get used to, but once you get the hang of it, you're good. This is a crucial part... Normally, the aroma would animate its presence at the middle of the cooking process, so you need to add the ingredients that you lack right away before the dish is completely cooked or before it's too late.

Same with love. Problems and arguments don't just pop up from nowhere. Before a problem heats up, it will produce smoke. It is up to you to smell that smoke and see what is lacking. In this way, you can start doing things to correct it and prevent a wonderful relationship from breaking apart.

Know how to read the signs. It will help you in the long run.

6.) Presentation is a plus

What differentiates two equally great chefs? One word- presentation! The food may both taste the same but if you are to choose one without tasting it, which would you choose? You would choose that which appeals to your eyes, right? Actually, we experience this everytime we dine in a restaurant. Ever wonder why put a picture of the food in the menu? They could just leave the pictures behind, right? When the menu says Adobo, you know what it is and you know what it tastes like. But there is one thing that pictures can do that words can't, especially when it comes to food. The main criteria in deciding if a food is great are: if it appeals to the tongue, if it appeals to the nose, and if it appeals to the eyes... since the first two are not present, we put pictures of very-well presented food in the menu.

My mom said, no matter how barbaric your father is when it comes to food (ok, this is an exageration), he still can't resist stopping for a second and appreciate the beauty presented before him. That makes any kind of food more delicious than it actually is.

Same with love life... wouldn't it be nice to see your special someone smiling from one drop of creativity from your brain? When your ingredients lack spice, creativity will often suffice. Be imaginative! Create or do something that appeals to her or his senses. Humans are naturally inclined to like things that are different yet uniquely very satisfying... it challenges our rationality and tickles our emotions... it brings out the "kilig factor" in all of us...

God gave you two hands and a brain to utilize... use them well in your favor.

7.) Eat it

Lastly, Adobo is not Adobo if you won't eat it. No one in their right minds would cook something just to look at it afterwards and let it spoil or just feed it to the dogs. If you are not going to consume it, might as well don't cook it at all.

Set your goals straight. You are not building a relationship just to look at it afterwards. Know the reasons why a man and a woman starts a relationship so you won't get surprised at the end. Always work towards your goal, if your goal is to eat, then it is right that you cook. If your goal is to have someone you can show off to your friends, then don't start a relationship!

Curse of the Crimson Clouds

Posted in Friendster July 2006

I'm not sure if it is just my eyes making fun of me or there's something in the sky... I saw crimson clouds tonight.
The rain is pouring hard, harder than it used to... and the dark barren night sky is made more gloomy by the blood-stained clouds scattered ingeniously as if someone's trying to make fun of my unlucky eyes... making this naturally trivial occurence seem like a devil's master plan.
But my eyes are weak tonight, my body weaker... soon I found myself walking towards the pouring rain. I can feel the mocking gashes of the wind as I come closer to the open and I can sense that it won't do me any good, but my feet are too stupid. Soon, the rain got into my eyes... thousands of droplets per second... and it made the clouds more devilish than before... but it didn't hurt... instead, I felt a searing pain pounding me from the inside... the rain must have reached my soul. Stupid me! I was so overwhelmed by the horrific yet inviting sight of the crimson clouds that I did not notice the millions of droplets seeping through every pores of my now soaked skin...
I have to get out of the rain... before it consumes me. But how? I can't even move my feet now... there's too much mud that I can't even raise them... Why the hell did I put myself in this situation? I could have waited inside... the rain would definitely stop and a new sunrise would come... but no, I had to step out and take all the pounding. Why!?
Maybe because I stared too long at the crimson clouds... no, they are not clouds! They are beasts! Beasts looking at the creatures of the Earth, searching every soul, smelling the weakness in each one of us... and with their invisible tails and talons, they would ensnare those unlucky ones not strong enough to reject the crimson clouds' temptation.
Be ashamed of yourself, you weak fool!!! That's my conscience speaking. You definitely are stronger than that! Don't let those pink cotton puffs rule over you! Show them the man you really are! Start walking towards the shelter and dry yourself up! These cotton candies do not exist!!! They are just hallucinations animated by your previous experience of rain and thunder storms... Don't let these dirty betadine-soaked cotton balls cover your sky. And don't let it spoil the blissful sunrise you are hoping for! Snap out of it!
Right. I shouldn't have come out in the first place. I have to go inside... extremely difficult but certainly not impossible... I need to sit by the fire and dry myself up or else I'll be blazing with fever when the sunrise comes...
It's going to be a long bad-weathered evening... But I won't look at the crimson clouds again... and no one can stop me to wait for that wonderful sunrise that I am hoping for...

Sonnet XI by Pablo Neruda

Posted in Friendster July 2006

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.

I hunger for your sleek laugh,
your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.

I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,
and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,

hunting for you, for your hot heart,
like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue.

What's in her name?

Posted in Friendster July 2006

She is my Aphrodite, my Venus, my Frejya, my Sri Lakshmi, my Amaterasu... yet these names are nothing compared to her name...

Whenever I hear her name, my world enters a realm where no man has entered... a dimension totally different from our own...

A world where:

Mountains bow down whenever she walks past...
Armies crumble at her heavenly sight...
Rivers overflow with romantic emotions...
Ice melts instantly with the warmth of her love...
Angels sing her lullabies...

Juniper forests dance when she smiles...
Oceans roar with anger when she cries...
Apples don't fall down from the trees but from her hands...
Nations guard her precious heart...
Nothingness means a world without her...
Animals and plants rejoice in her presence...

Ships would sail just to set eyes on her...
Evenings are lit up by her sparkling eyes...
Violins play in unison with her heart beat...
Islands are but pearls laid down on her feet...
Life is eternal...
Love is eternal...
All is eternal...

I am lucky to have known her name... and luckiest to be close to her...

Para sa Dyosa na Kagandahan

Posted in Friendster July 2005

BEAUTIFUL IN MY EYES

You’re my piece of mind, in this crazy world
You’re every thing I've tried to find
Your love is a pearl
You’re my Mona Lisa
You’re my rainbow skies
And my only prayer is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...

The world will turn
And the seasons will change
And all the lessons we will learn
Will be beautiful and strange
We'll have our fell of tears
Our share of sight
My only prayer is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...

You will always be beautiful in my eyes
And the passing is the show
That you will always grow
Ever more beautiful in my eyes

And there are lines upon my face
From a life time of smiles
When the time comes to embrace
For one long last wine
We can laugh about how time really flies
We won’t say goodbye
‘Cause true love never dies
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...

You will always be beautiful in my eyes
And the passing is the show
That you will always grow
Ever more beautiful in my eyes
The passing is the show
That you will always grow
Ever more beautiful in my eyes...

I'll Wait

Posted in Friendster July 2006

Living is like riding a Boeing 747 first class... comfortable ergonomic seats, unlimited access to the in-flight entertainment system, lots of food, nice drinks, all delivered with a very warm, accommodating smile of that pretty Japanese flight attendant... but when you start to think that everything is going to be fine until you land, you start to get rocked with heavy turbulence in mid air...
Speaking of flying... When I flew back from the US, I landed with the hard reality that I must accept... that she will be leaving soon... and she wont be back for a long time...
I met her at the start of this year... I told myself- new year, new beginnings... I've overcome the most crushing experience of my life... I waited so long for a girl who promised to be back for me, but when that girl returned, the last two words of the promise were forgotten... a little corny for those more practical ones, but hear me, back then, I see myself in the lead role in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet... Anyway, I made it through... No matter how horrifying that flight was, I landed firmly on the ground.
Then I met her... I told myself, I'm ready to fly again...
Those with weak sacs and those who are emotionally dead, please skip the next two paragraphs, you might throw up...
She is the prettiest creature I've ever seen... If I am to describe her, she will be a "dictionary". No matter how many words I muster up for her, it's not complete enough to give justice to her true essence... She is an angel personified... she is my angel...
She's not hard to fall in love with... in fact, I fell hard... really really really hard... I wanted to show her how much I love her... I wanted to make her feel that she is the most important person in my life and that I will do anything for her... anything...
Like I've said, I'm ready to fly again... I'm ready to embrace the sunshine glittering above the clouds and collect them in a bouquet and hand it to her... I want to fire the pretty Japanese flight attendant and attend to her needs myself... making sure that she's comfortable in her seats, watching her favorite movies in the in-flight entertainment system, making sure that she's not hungry, nor thirsty. I'll attend to her every need with a smile... I have lots of plans... and I'm mighty proud of it...
But I soon realized that we are not on the same flight... She is headed to Singapore to pursue a career. Opportunities are knocking at her door and this is the time for her to grab them by the neck... and as for myself, I don't know where I'm heading... everything turned gray...
Life is so unfair! When you start to think that everything is going your way, it turns out otherwise. And you cannot do anything about it...
All I can do right now is to pray... pray that she will be successful in whatever she will do and that she finds happiness every day... and to wait... i will wait for as long as it takes... honestly, experience is not kind enough to me when it comes to waiting... My previous experience tells me not to wait... but my heart is strong enough to convince me to.
This time, there are no promises... it's better this way... and worse at the same time... But no matter what happens, I am willing to take the chances... If in order to prove my love, I will have to wait... I will wait. Even if it means spending the next 50 years of my life waiting...
I don't care what the consequences are... if it turns out for the good, then I'll be greatly overwhelmed with happiness... if it is the other way around... I'll be crushed, but as long as I know that she is happy then I'll be happy for her. If that happens, then the mere sight of her arriving safely with a smile and with wonderful memories of her trip is enough for me. A simple "Hello" is all I need...
Only two angels can stop me from waiting... the angel of death and her... If she tells me to stop waiting... that I am waiting for no one, then I'll stop... maybe after 3 months of non-stop crying... but I'll endure it for her... I'll move on knowing that my most important person in this world was able to find happiness... and who knows, maybe I'll land on my feet again or maybe I'll just continue with this flight...
But for now, no matter how ungodly the turbulence are, no matter how long the flight is... I can take them all... for her...
I just hope that we both land on the same grounds... at the right time...
"If you can wait 3 years for a girl you are not sure is going back for you, then you are crazy! I mean, man, there are lots of other girls out there... do you want to spend your next three years waiting and hoping that she will remember you? C'mon man! And if she does remember, what guarantee do you have that she will be coming back for you? If I were you, I'll start changing my views... Take it from me, I've been there..." - me, a year ago, advising a friend on what to do with his love life...
"I don't believe you... you don't know anything... you've never felt this!" - me, today, talking to myself a year ago...

I'm feeling it again...

Posted in Friendster June 2006

There was once a feeling that I felt- a feeling that seems to alter your world and take you to the realms of fantasy; a feeling that makes you hear birds chirping in the desert, makes you see butterflies under the ocean, and makes you feel the warm sea breeze in the midst of a busy metropolis. Yes, it was a very wonderful feeling... and it was the first time i felt it, and how i hoped it would never end.
But that same feeling tore me apart. It brought the greatest joy and the worst nightmare. It came to a point that I have to get rid of this feeling not because I want to but because the more I get hold of it, the more it holds me back. I came to realize that I won't move on with my life if I don't give this up. It was the hardest decision I had to make and I never fully understood back then why I had to make that unfair decision...
Time flew by in a wink of an eye... Soon, I nearly forgot how the feeling felt. When I look back, all I can muster is a smile... the hurt is gone, the memories are still there but it does not taunt me anymore, the feeling is completely gone. And for a moment, I realized how good it felt to be out, to not care about anything... about anyone.
But time has its surprises. A few months ago, I started to feel something... something familiar... I couldn't be wrong... I've felt this before... It did not take long before I knew what I am feeling- i began to hear birds singing in the desert. I began to see butterflies in the ocean. I began to feel the warm sea breeze everywhere. But there is something more... this is also something entirely different... I began to see myself in the desert and the bird chirps encourages me to move on forward - i see determination. I began to see myself under the sea and the butterflies remind me of what's in store for me at the shore... i see hope... I began to see myself in a busy metropolis alone yet the warm sea breeze keeps me away from loneliness... i see comfort.
Yes, this is a similar feeling, but now the feeling is more mature. I see the pleasures but I also see the responsibilities... I see the dreams but I also see the goals... I see the promises but I also see the consequences... this is it. This can never be more complete. It's like everything is laid out for me to see.
I had the same feeling once but I never fully understood it. I was too overwhelmed by the bliss it brings. Everything was fantasy. And as the word itself suggests, nothing was true... it brought me joy but that's it... I never really understood... that is why the sufferring was great when I had to let go...
This feeling I have now still alters my world... it still brings me to wonderland... yet it is strong enough to keep me in the grips of reality...
Words are not enough to describe what I am feeling right now. All I know is that I am determined to keep this feeling ablaze... I believe I now have the character and resources to keep it from dying... I will do everything I can so I won't ever have to let go of it again... this will be the last time that I will be feeling this and this time, it's for keeps.
It's nice to feel it again... to share it with someone, is divinely fulfilling...

Types of Movie Critics

Posted in Friendster March 2006

For the past months, I've been hooked to watching films- especially art films. I spend my weekends watching a lot of DVD's.
Whenever I watch a film at home, I watch it with my family and/or with my friends. And after the show, I can't help but notice how each of them react on the film we watched... so basing on their reactions, I came up with a little list of the types of movie critics (just for fun ;-)).
The "Real Critics" - these people know art concepts and can see how these are followed or violated in the film; for "other" people, these are the boring critics... boring because most people won't understand what they're saying. They see every aspect of the film from acting to angles, from lightings to musical score. They use literature and Art jargons and would usually refer to some unknown artist just to clarify their ideas... or confuse more the "other" people... :-)
The "I'm-better-than-the-director guy" - You will often see this guy frowning after the film. He always has something against the writer or the director. You'll hear him saying - "They should have made Kingkong a little bit larger" or "It is better if the leading man died too". I'm not against this guy though... sometimes he does have a point.
The "Oh-my-gosh!-They're-so-cute! Girl" - Many of my girl cousins and friends fall under this category. After the film, the first thing you'll hear is "Brad Pitt is sooooo cute!". They are the ones who'll watch a movie only if there is a cute guy or girl in the film. Usually between ages 13 - 19, they are the ones who would die watching a teen movie.
The "Wake-me-up-when-they're-already-fighting Guy" - This is the guy who watches a film for only one purpose - to see bloodshed, guns, car chases, and a rambo-like character fighting his way in a labyrinth of villains with bazookas, ingrams, and a laser cannon pointed at Manhattan. He does not care what the story line is... all he wants to see is the climactic action part. He'll tell you a film is good if it is by Steven Seagal, Van Damme, or Arnie. Let him watch Meet Joe Black and he'll just snore in the couch.
The "Guy who read the book" - You'll only hear one thing when this guy speaks up- "The book is better! Much better". He'll criticize Lord of the Rings for not putting every scene from the book to the film and for mixing everything up. This guy is fun to be with assuming that you've also read the book. Actually, sometimes, I am like this guy. :-)
The "Ain't-happy-with-the-series Guy" - This guy, for some reason always likes Part 1. He thinks that the producers and the directors failed big time in making the second film better than the first. But he keeps on waiting for Part 3, hoping that this time, it will be better.
The "Silent-for-some-reason Guy" - Now, this guy is interesting... after the film, you'll see him in one corner, smiling... why? Who knows!? Maybe he's just happy because the film is over... or maybe he's internalizing and contemplating on the true meaning of the film.
The "Universal-Studios-Regal-Films-Difference Guy" - This guy always compare foreign films with our home-made ones. You'll hear him saying "If only FIlipinos know how to do that... Mulawin the Movie will be better" or "Filipinos can't do Fast and the Furious... they don't have enough 1980 model Toyota box types to crash..."; can't actually blame him though, he has a point...
Next time, I'll write about the types of people watching the film...

Career Mind Set

Posted in Friendster March 2006

I was browsing my blog entries just to see how unprolific I've become when I came across the entry “I wanted to be a...”
I can't help but smile to know how idealistic and naive I was back then. For the Kid “Me”, happiness in a job can be manifested by three things:
* If you can help a lot of people and the country;
* If you look good and cool
* If you can do interesting things
Never did I dream of a job that provides the best compensation package. Never did I dream of a job that promises millions of earnings after a year. If ever I wanted to be someone who earns a lot of money (doctor, etc.), it is not because I know that they have cash-cow careers. When I was a kid, if you give me a job with all the three things listed above, I will be the happiest kid in the world.
But I am not a kid anymore. I hate to admit it, but as we grow up, a lot of things change. Some changes are for the better. Some are for the worse. And I believe that this career mind set change that I have taken is for the worse.
Right now, money is the name of the game. Yes, I still wanted to do interesting things, I still wanted to look good, and given the chance, I still wanted to help other people. But the fact remains and I will not deny it- the one thing that I look for first in a career is the dollar sign. The more hard-cash it can provide, the better.
I’m not sure where or when it happened. I’m not sure who’s responsible for it. I’m not even sure how I became like this. But one thing is for sure- I don’t like it.
I remember Robert Fulghum’s book “All I really need to know, I learned in Kindergarten”.
If only I still have that career mind set that made me dream when I was a child, I will extremely be happy today and I would not think of resigning from my job. Sadly, I don’t… and sad to say, we don’t stay in Kindergarten.

When I am in Love

Posted in Friendster May 2005

When I am in love, I can do everything...
I become a fictional character... I talk to birds and fly with them once in a while... I dance with the butterflies... I buzz around with the bees... flowers follow me everywhere... I race the winds... I ride the waves... I bathe in the sun... I breathe underwater... I can carry the Earth, I can sit on an ant...
I become super-human... I become a philosopher, a mathematician, a scientist, an artist, a poet, an actor, and a dreamer all at once... I can explain almost everything... I can live forever...
I can be anything...
I can do everything...
EXCEPT...
telling HER how I much i love her...

I want to be a...

Posted in Friendster May 2005

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a:
DOCTOR - "I wanted to be a doctor to help the sick." I think almost every child wanted to be a doctor. It is not because they knew that doctors are one of the highest-earners but just because this is one of the professions that a child gets to know at an early age...
SOLDIER - "I wanted to be a soldier to fight for the country." Same as the doctor, the soldier is one of the careers I knew at an early age. And I always see them in textbooks. Also, back then... during the "baril-barilan" days, for a child, if you are a soldier... you're a "WOW! A real SOLDIER!"
FIREMAN - I don't want to fight fire and I never dreamt of that. I just wanted to be a fireman because it sounds cool... "Fireman!"
SCIENTIST - Someone wearing a white suit, looking at microscopes, disecting cats... this is one of the professions I wanted to be when I was a kid. It's easy, you just have to look at microscopes and disect cats and frogs... well so I thought
MAGICIAN - The glory days of David Copperfield gave me the passion to start practicing tricks and show them off to my friends. Imagine?! I really wanted to be a magician?! Wow! Now, where are my decks of cards?
CHESS MASTER - Not the PC game. I mean a real Chess Master. I wanted to follow the steps of my idols Kasparov, Karpov, Annand, and other "Iron-board pushers" that roamed the face of the Soviet Union... and Fischer of course. I am always fascinated with Chess. Chess is my first love.
PAINTER - When I first got hold of crayons, watercolors, and pastels, I knew it already... I am going to be an artist... I will paint my own portrait and that of my dog... then it will be displayed in a museum... then I will have a mustache and will wear those stripe pants and berets... speaking with a French accent
SUPERHERO - I wanted to be a superhero... the likes of superman, batman, wolverine, and mighthor. I don't care if they don't have fashion sense. I don't care if they wear their underwear outside their pants. They look cool and I wanted to be like them
PRESIDENT - Now, I don't know who was responsible for this... I just woke up one day and told my mom I wanted to be the President of the Philippines...
PASTOR - Believe it or not... when I was a kid, I really wanted to be a pastor. I dreamt of standing one day in the pulpit... in front of many people... preaching the words of God. Just like my uncle
MOVIE ACTOR - I wanted to be a movie actor. I wanted to go to Hollywood and meet Sylvester and Arnie. I wanted to film my own movie. I wanted to have my own blonde leading lady. I wanted to shoot the bartender in a bar in the wild west. And I am still a kid
ASTRONAUT - You missed childhood if you never dreamt of walking in the moon and floating in space. I had my set of Space gadgets back then... space gun, space suit, space gizmos, and a space ship made of boxes and blankets
ENGINEER - I did not know what Engineers actually do. All I know is that they wear hard yellow hats in text books and your parents wanted you to be like them. Engineer seems cool though...
PILOT - Flying planes seems soooo cool... Someday I will fly my own plane... and yes, when I was a kid, I believed that pilots do live in the sky...

The Cigarette Ghost

Posted in Friendster May 2005

Last time, I broadcasted here in friendster that I would be quitting my 24/7 smoking habit. After a month of nerve-racking, blood-sweating self-control, with God's help, I was able to do so... (Hurrah!!! Wooohooo!!! What a feat!!!) But was it the end of the story? Hell no!!!
I don't actually believe that the dead do rise from their graves... but something tells me, some kind of Cigarette ghost is stalking me... About a month ago, during the glory days of my victory over Cigarettes, weird thoughts started to enter my inactive mind... thoughts like- "How would it taste if I take just one puff... just for the fun of it...", "What if everyone around me is smoking? Will I be forced to join in?", "Is it actually a sin to smoke? Where can you find it in the bible?". It was actually scary to find myself smiling on these thoughts. The good thing is, when reality knocks in, I would push these temptations out of my mind and try to find better things to think about and do.
But the devil did its homework... the cigarette ghost would actually reveal himself during those times when I am spiritually and emotionally weak or, like one of my crazy thoughts, when everyone else around me is smoking. "Just one puff won't hurt"... I heard myself saying.
Soon, I was puffing my lungs out again... GREAT!!!
The cigarette ghost is starting to consume me piece by piece... and if I don't do anything... I'll find myself back to the old days holding one pack of marlboro lights and saying "Dejavu!!!".
It's time to call the Ghostbusters!!!
...to be continued

Bata

Posted in Friendster March 2005

Break time namin ngayon, wala ako magawa. Hindi masyado madami ang na-assign na "tickets" sa akin. Kaya 'di tulad ng dati, nag-iinternet lang ako ngayon. Wala masyado mapuntahan na sites kaya inisip kong mag-post na lang ng kahit ano dito sa blog. Hindi ko alam kung paano pumasok sa isip ko 'tong topic na 'to pero mukhang interesting kaya eto...
Naaalala ko dati, paggising ko sa umaga, mga boses na ng mga kalaro ko ang aking naririnig. Nagsisigawan na sila, nagtatawanan... nakakainis... hindi nila ako hinintay. Bibilisan kong bumangon... konting mumog, hindi pa nga nakakakain... 'ni hindi pa nagsusuklay, lalabas na ng bahay para maglaro.
Sasalubungin agad ako ng isa sa mga aking kalaro, nagpaparangya ng bago n'yang dala... s'ya ang pinakamayaman ang magulang sa amin... lagi s'yang may dalang bago... bagong game and watch, o kaya bagong baril-barilan o kotse-kotsehan. Nakakainggit... pero hindi kami nalulungkot. Kasi 'pag bata ka, hindi masaya ang maglaro ka mag-isa... mas ok kung marami kayo naglalaro.
Mga ilang saglit pa, magyayayaan na 'yan- "Tantsing! Tantsing!" Takbuhan kami sa kanya-kanyang bahay. Paglabas, bitbit namin ang isang kahon ng sapatos na may lamang mga tau-tauhan. Ang iba naman, nakalagay sa laylayan ng damit ung mga tau-tauhan nila. May magguguhit na sa lupa. Tapos, "persan" na. Lagi akong kaban. Ang pangit kasi ng pato ko. Pero lagi pa rin ako panalo. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Yung mga hindi makakasali, mamumulot ng tansan para sa kalog. Swerte yung mga puro goma ang tau-tauhan. Kasi limang plastic ang katumbas nun. Hindi ako magaling sa kalog. Lagi na lang akong nagka-kak.
Kapag nagkasawaan, magyayaya ng mataya-taya, langit-lupa, monkey-monkey, piko, sipa, o kaya syato. Pero paminsan-minsan na lang ang syato kasi nung minsan na maglaro kami, tinamaan nung kahoy sa ulo yung isa naming kalaro... pumutok ang noo... dumugo. Pero ok pa rin naman yung ibang laro... kaya yun na lang ang nilalaro namin.
Nandyan din ung mga laro naming gagayahin namin ang kahit anong mga napapanood namin. Tandang-tanda ko pa, ako lagi si Red One, si Black Lion, si Leoric, o kaya si Steve. Meron ako kalaro nun, lalaki s'ya, pero s'ya lagi si Pink Five, si Pink Lion, o kaya si Jamie. Pero hindi namin iniisip nun na bading s'ya. Nakakatuwa nga kasi puro kami lalaki. At least, may papapel ng babae.
Siguro wala nang sasaya pa sa mga labanan ng kung anu-anong mga hayop. Meron ako noong malaking posporo na puno ng gagambang totoo, yung may mga pula sa puwitan. Humuhuli ako ng langaw tapos yun ang pinapakain ko sa kanila. Minsan, masarap-sarap ang pagkain nila kapag nananalo ako sa labanan... yung mga kalaban nila, yun na yung kinakain nila. Pero madami na rin akong gagambang natalo. Sila yung mga kinakain ng mga gagamba ng kalaban ko. Masaya din maglaban ang mga tutubing kalabaw. Putulan ng ulo. Yung mga alaga naming tutubi, tinatalian namin sa puwit para hindi makawala. Tapos, pinuputulan namin ng konti yung pakpak. Yun nga lang, bago maggabi, patay na sila. Hindi namin alam nun kung bakit.
Namangha din kami at nagtaka sa lakas ng mga langgam na pula. Manghuhuli kami ng mga insekto... tipaklong, tutubi, gagambang kulangot, kahit mga catterpillar tapos ilalagay namin sa mga langgam na pula... yung malalaki ang ulo. Nakakatuwang panoorin... kinakatay nila yung insekto. Minsan, nakakahuli kami ng butiki... gustong gusto ng mga langgam yun. Kinabukasan, kalansay na lang yung butiki. Sinubukan din naming paglabanin ang mga itim na langgam at ang mga langgam na pula. Hindi masaya. Hindi sila naglalaban.
Tapos biglang dadating yung mga matatanda... tatawagin ka para umuwi... kain na daw. Ayaw ko pang kumain. Gusto ko pa maglaro, kaso kapag nakakakita ako ng sintron, patpat, o kaya walis tambo, hehehe... unahan pa tayo sa pagkain.
Nakakamiss din minsan ang pagiging bata. Walang problema, walang kung anu-anong iniisip. Nakakamiss talaga. Kaso... hindi na ako bata... hindi na dapat magpabanjing-banjing... kailangan na uling magtrabaho para may makain...

Cigarette Butt...

Posted in Friendster March 2005

I remember three to four years ago, when someone would light a cigarette in front of me, my brain would send distress signals to my entire body- get out of here! Someone's going to fill your lungs with deadly smoke! They want to die young... let them be! Just get out of here! Save yourself!
Three to four years later, here I am... with a stick of Marlboro Lights in my hand. Damn! What happened!?
I will not narrate how I learned to smoke. It will sound like I'm blaming those folks who showed me the art of smoke-belching. This is my own decision and I am not ashamed to admit that.
I am an addict. I am a slave of nicotine. And I don't like it. I wanted to quit. Many times. And many times, I fell short of my goal. I know this is wrong. With every puff, I fill my body with at least 1000 different toxins. With every inhale of smoke, I take away the ascorbic acids of my body along with other helpful vitamins and minerals resulting to slow degradation of my immune system. I am slowly killing myself. And with every exhale, I am slowly killing everyone around me. And more, I am desecrating the temple of the Holy Spirit.
I feel guilty. I feel unhealthy. I feel like everyday, minutes of my life are being disintegrated into thin air. I can't even stand proud and call myself a Christian knowing that a pack of "yosi" is inside my pocket.
I want to set my path straight. Now, I am really decided to stop this non-sensical vice of mine. The last times I tried, I fail. Why? Because of my reasons. These are my reasons why I wanted to stop: I wanted to stop because my crush hates smokers; I wanted to stop because many of my peers are already stopping; I wanted to stop because my momma says so; I wanted to stop because my back is aching and I have this weird feeling that it has something to do with smoking; I wanted to stop because I wanted to prove to myself that I have the self-control everybody is talking about. These are my reasons. Earthly reasons.
The devil is good. He's so good, you can't fight his temptations on your own. Prove to the devil that you have self-control and he'll bombard you with even stronger temptations. And before you know it, you'll be smoking 1 pack of cigarettes a day.
The best way to quit smoking is to ask His help. I've tried so many options and He is the only option I got left. And I feel so dumb for not figuring that out right away. When you are fighting temptation, you are fighting something supernatural... so fight back with Someone supernatural. The reason why I was enslaved for so long is that I was holding a toothpick to fight someone holding a gun. Now, I'll even the battlefield. Let's see who's the boss...
I don't want to die young. Hell, I don't even want to get cancer of the lungs. I am a smoker. An addict, no doubt... but I assure you, the battle has just begun. Slowly but surely, I am trying to leave this lifestyle of mine to start anew. And with His help, I am sure of my path.
Just a clarification... I am not against all those other smokers out there. I respect your decisions. These are my own beliefs and I am not subjecting everyone to these. It's just that I feel like my last stick is nearing its end and I just want to throw away the cigarette butt forever...