I'll Wait

Posted in Friendster July 2006

Living is like riding a Boeing 747 first class... comfortable ergonomic seats, unlimited access to the in-flight entertainment system, lots of food, nice drinks, all delivered with a very warm, accommodating smile of that pretty Japanese flight attendant... but when you start to think that everything is going to be fine until you land, you start to get rocked with heavy turbulence in mid air...
Speaking of flying... When I flew back from the US, I landed with the hard reality that I must accept... that she will be leaving soon... and she wont be back for a long time...
I met her at the start of this year... I told myself- new year, new beginnings... I've overcome the most crushing experience of my life... I waited so long for a girl who promised to be back for me, but when that girl returned, the last two words of the promise were forgotten... a little corny for those more practical ones, but hear me, back then, I see myself in the lead role in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet... Anyway, I made it through... No matter how horrifying that flight was, I landed firmly on the ground.
Then I met her... I told myself, I'm ready to fly again...
Those with weak sacs and those who are emotionally dead, please skip the next two paragraphs, you might throw up...
She is the prettiest creature I've ever seen... If I am to describe her, she will be a "dictionary". No matter how many words I muster up for her, it's not complete enough to give justice to her true essence... She is an angel personified... she is my angel...
She's not hard to fall in love with... in fact, I fell hard... really really really hard... I wanted to show her how much I love her... I wanted to make her feel that she is the most important person in my life and that I will do anything for her... anything...
Like I've said, I'm ready to fly again... I'm ready to embrace the sunshine glittering above the clouds and collect them in a bouquet and hand it to her... I want to fire the pretty Japanese flight attendant and attend to her needs myself... making sure that she's comfortable in her seats, watching her favorite movies in the in-flight entertainment system, making sure that she's not hungry, nor thirsty. I'll attend to her every need with a smile... I have lots of plans... and I'm mighty proud of it...
But I soon realized that we are not on the same flight... She is headed to Singapore to pursue a career. Opportunities are knocking at her door and this is the time for her to grab them by the neck... and as for myself, I don't know where I'm heading... everything turned gray...
Life is so unfair! When you start to think that everything is going your way, it turns out otherwise. And you cannot do anything about it...
All I can do right now is to pray... pray that she will be successful in whatever she will do and that she finds happiness every day... and to wait... i will wait for as long as it takes... honestly, experience is not kind enough to me when it comes to waiting... My previous experience tells me not to wait... but my heart is strong enough to convince me to.
This time, there are no promises... it's better this way... and worse at the same time... But no matter what happens, I am willing to take the chances... If in order to prove my love, I will have to wait... I will wait. Even if it means spending the next 50 years of my life waiting...
I don't care what the consequences are... if it turns out for the good, then I'll be greatly overwhelmed with happiness... if it is the other way around... I'll be crushed, but as long as I know that she is happy then I'll be happy for her. If that happens, then the mere sight of her arriving safely with a smile and with wonderful memories of her trip is enough for me. A simple "Hello" is all I need...
Only two angels can stop me from waiting... the angel of death and her... If she tells me to stop waiting... that I am waiting for no one, then I'll stop... maybe after 3 months of non-stop crying... but I'll endure it for her... I'll move on knowing that my most important person in this world was able to find happiness... and who knows, maybe I'll land on my feet again or maybe I'll just continue with this flight...
But for now, no matter how ungodly the turbulence are, no matter how long the flight is... I can take them all... for her...
I just hope that we both land on the same grounds... at the right time...
"If you can wait 3 years for a girl you are not sure is going back for you, then you are crazy! I mean, man, there are lots of other girls out there... do you want to spend your next three years waiting and hoping that she will remember you? C'mon man! And if she does remember, what guarantee do you have that she will be coming back for you? If I were you, I'll start changing my views... Take it from me, I've been there..." - me, a year ago, advising a friend on what to do with his love life...
"I don't believe you... you don't know anything... you've never felt this!" - me, today, talking to myself a year ago...