Cigarette Butt...

Posted in Friendster March 2005

I remember three to four years ago, when someone would light a cigarette in front of me, my brain would send distress signals to my entire body- get out of here! Someone's going to fill your lungs with deadly smoke! They want to die young... let them be! Just get out of here! Save yourself!
Three to four years later, here I am... with a stick of Marlboro Lights in my hand. Damn! What happened!?
I will not narrate how I learned to smoke. It will sound like I'm blaming those folks who showed me the art of smoke-belching. This is my own decision and I am not ashamed to admit that.
I am an addict. I am a slave of nicotine. And I don't like it. I wanted to quit. Many times. And many times, I fell short of my goal. I know this is wrong. With every puff, I fill my body with at least 1000 different toxins. With every inhale of smoke, I take away the ascorbic acids of my body along with other helpful vitamins and minerals resulting to slow degradation of my immune system. I am slowly killing myself. And with every exhale, I am slowly killing everyone around me. And more, I am desecrating the temple of the Holy Spirit.
I feel guilty. I feel unhealthy. I feel like everyday, minutes of my life are being disintegrated into thin air. I can't even stand proud and call myself a Christian knowing that a pack of "yosi" is inside my pocket.
I want to set my path straight. Now, I am really decided to stop this non-sensical vice of mine. The last times I tried, I fail. Why? Because of my reasons. These are my reasons why I wanted to stop: I wanted to stop because my crush hates smokers; I wanted to stop because many of my peers are already stopping; I wanted to stop because my momma says so; I wanted to stop because my back is aching and I have this weird feeling that it has something to do with smoking; I wanted to stop because I wanted to prove to myself that I have the self-control everybody is talking about. These are my reasons. Earthly reasons.
The devil is good. He's so good, you can't fight his temptations on your own. Prove to the devil that you have self-control and he'll bombard you with even stronger temptations. And before you know it, you'll be smoking 1 pack of cigarettes a day.
The best way to quit smoking is to ask His help. I've tried so many options and He is the only option I got left. And I feel so dumb for not figuring that out right away. When you are fighting temptation, you are fighting something supernatural... so fight back with Someone supernatural. The reason why I was enslaved for so long is that I was holding a toothpick to fight someone holding a gun. Now, I'll even the battlefield. Let's see who's the boss...
I don't want to die young. Hell, I don't even want to get cancer of the lungs. I am a smoker. An addict, no doubt... but I assure you, the battle has just begun. Slowly but surely, I am trying to leave this lifestyle of mine to start anew. And with His help, I am sure of my path.
Just a clarification... I am not against all those other smokers out there. I respect your decisions. These are my own beliefs and I am not subjecting everyone to these. It's just that I feel like my last stick is nearing its end and I just want to throw away the cigarette butt forever...