On Adobo and Lovelife...

Posted in Friendster July 2006

I still remember my first cooking lesson with my mom... I was 12 then... we were cooking Adobo... mom is the best Adobo cook in the world... she was able to mix the old Tagalog-style Adobo known for its juiciness and delectability and the delicately dried but equally scrumptious Adobo of the Northern regions where my father hails and the end-product is simply irresistable.

First she told me the ingredients... nothing extraordinary, she said. Wherever you are, the ingredients are always the same: soy sauce, vinegar(well sometimes kalamansi will do), garlic, onion(optional), bay leaf, pepper, and a touch of magic added by the cook's hand while mixing everything in a pan.

The most crucial part is the actual cooking itself. This is what differentiates the Adobo of the Tagalogs from the Adobo of the Ilocanos and Bisayas. Some would mix up all the ingredients and let it simmer for a couple of minutes. Some would let it simmer a little longer to get a thicker sauce. My father would dry it up until all the liquids are absorbed by the meat then add a teasepoon of oil and stir-fry it a little. Everything sounds easy right? Wrong!

Lovelife is like cooking Adobo. Anywhere you go, the ingredients are the same... a mixture of sweetness, spices, and everything else you find in a normal boy-meets-girl-and-they-fell-in-love situation. The difference is how they cook the relationship. And believe me, finding the ingredients are easy... cooking takes time and blood...

1.) Mixing the ingredients

My mom asked me, you won't eat an Adobo that is too salty or too sour right? I said yes... Then she asked me, do you think three cloves of garlic would suffice for a 3 kilogram meat? I said no. She said yes you are right, so stop pouring the soy sauce and vinegar and start adding some garlic...

In lovelife, the ingredients are there but it is up to us to determine how much soy sauce, vinegar, garlic, etc. to use. It actually depends on our heart's desires. Sometimes, we don't know... so we need to try different mixtures and choose one that best fits our relationship paradigms. There are cases where relationships would just end up in the garbage bin because the couple could not find the proper mixture of their ingredients... "You are too sweet, you act like an idiot already!" Or "I need more excitement in my life, this relationship lacks spice!" or "Our relationship lacks color and flavor...(maybe there's no soy sauce! hahaha!). My point is, if your ingredients are wrong in the first place, don't expect to have a delicious relationship...

2.) Choose your cooking Style

I asked my mom why can't you just cook Adobo like Grandma would do? Cook it the Tagalog way... anyway, Papa won't mind because he does not have a choice... he's in Manila, so he'd better eat Manila food. My Mom said she can... but she won't. Why? Because although my father would eat anything laid out for him in the table (in fact, he has this freak motto he got from the military - everything that crawls is edible to eat), he will feel extra special if the dish he is eating appeals to his native taste buds.

Then why not just cook the Dry Northern Adobo then? She also wont. Because she still loves that tradiotional Adobo taste that her mommy(my grandma) used to make... and it is hard to change your preference after being used to that, living almost half of her life with my grandma and enjoying her dishes.

So, the best solution is to mix both worlds. Make something that appeals both to the Northern and the Central Luzon dwellers. Cook something that will make my father feel he is at home in the Cagayan Mountain regions yet tickle him with something different, something only the Central Luzon dwellers are well-versed of. It is called bennevolent assimilation... she is trying to introduce something different to my dad in the most subtle and delicious way possible. (Well ok, bennevolent assimilation is my term... I learned it in high school, but at least you get the idea).

Same with love-life. Do not bombard your loved one with facts about yourself that she or he must accept... remember that your significant other is raised on an entirely different environment and culture as yours, so do your research first, then act appropriately. sometimes a you-centered relationship would end up fine especially if he or she is very in love with you like a mad dog loves its tail. But most of the time, she or he will feel that knowing her is the least of your priorities. Do it in the most subtle and sweetest way possible. Do it in a way that you are introducing yourself to her while accepting her at the same time. Try to come up with things that both of you will appreciate... things that would make her feel comfortable with you even though you are trying to tell her the darkest secrets of your wretched life. It's not what you said or did, it's how you do it...

3.) Be Patient and let time do its work

I think the sauce is not scattered well enough... the meat at the bottom gets all of it while the meat at the top does not get anything at all... this was my first complain when the Adobo was placed into the fire. I want to stir it. I want to make everything even. Don't! My mom told me. If you stir it up too early, it won't taste good. It's what she calls "Mahihilaw ang Suka!". Cover the pan and let it simmer by itself for now... i'll tell you when to start stirring.

Some couples would rush everything as if the world's going to end tomorrow and they still have to buy diapers for a baby they still don't have. This would simply won't work. Time has its surprises, and believe me, when time works in your favor, you'll feel like you are on the top of the world. Be patient! That's something my mom never forget to tell me. Be patient on everything... including love life.

Everything takes time... and don't try to argue with time, you'll end up with a big L in your forehead.

4.) Control your Fire

This is how my first Adobo(without my mom's help) ended up... My brother was so hungry that his eyes lit up when he saw me serving the dish in the table. He started eating right away... and soon I saw tears in his eyes... I can't believe it! My brother is really crying because of my cooking? Are those tears of joy? Hell no! He is crying because he can't stand the taste but he is forcing himself to eat the wretched Adobo... I can see that every chunk of Adobo he swallows requires so much effort it looks like a scene in a Mexican Telenovela.

I did not control the fire well.

You can't cook without fire, but too much of it, you might as well eat charcoal.
We need heat in our love-life. We need to keep our relationships ablaze always. But the intensity of the fire should be considered well. Too much fire will burn everything we delicately prepared. Fire is a friend but do not play with it... or you'll end up with blisters all over your body.

5.) Smell then Solve

You will know how something will taste like by the smell of it. At first I didn't believe my mom. But after years of cooking Adobo myself, I realized she was right. You'll know if your Adobo lacks or has too much something by just smelling the smoke rising up from the pan. It takes time to get used to, but once you get the hang of it, you're good. This is a crucial part... Normally, the aroma would animate its presence at the middle of the cooking process, so you need to add the ingredients that you lack right away before the dish is completely cooked or before it's too late.

Same with love. Problems and arguments don't just pop up from nowhere. Before a problem heats up, it will produce smoke. It is up to you to smell that smoke and see what is lacking. In this way, you can start doing things to correct it and prevent a wonderful relationship from breaking apart.

Know how to read the signs. It will help you in the long run.

6.) Presentation is a plus

What differentiates two equally great chefs? One word- presentation! The food may both taste the same but if you are to choose one without tasting it, which would you choose? You would choose that which appeals to your eyes, right? Actually, we experience this everytime we dine in a restaurant. Ever wonder why put a picture of the food in the menu? They could just leave the pictures behind, right? When the menu says Adobo, you know what it is and you know what it tastes like. But there is one thing that pictures can do that words can't, especially when it comes to food. The main criteria in deciding if a food is great are: if it appeals to the tongue, if it appeals to the nose, and if it appeals to the eyes... since the first two are not present, we put pictures of very-well presented food in the menu.

My mom said, no matter how barbaric your father is when it comes to food (ok, this is an exageration), he still can't resist stopping for a second and appreciate the beauty presented before him. That makes any kind of food more delicious than it actually is.

Same with love life... wouldn't it be nice to see your special someone smiling from one drop of creativity from your brain? When your ingredients lack spice, creativity will often suffice. Be imaginative! Create or do something that appeals to her or his senses. Humans are naturally inclined to like things that are different yet uniquely very satisfying... it challenges our rationality and tickles our emotions... it brings out the "kilig factor" in all of us...

God gave you two hands and a brain to utilize... use them well in your favor.

7.) Eat it

Lastly, Adobo is not Adobo if you won't eat it. No one in their right minds would cook something just to look at it afterwards and let it spoil or just feed it to the dogs. If you are not going to consume it, might as well don't cook it at all.

Set your goals straight. You are not building a relationship just to look at it afterwards. Know the reasons why a man and a woman starts a relationship so you won't get surprised at the end. Always work towards your goal, if your goal is to eat, then it is right that you cook. If your goal is to have someone you can show off to your friends, then don't start a relationship!